To Those Who’ve Done Me Dirty

You suck! Ew!

I hope that you step on Legos at 3am when you’re on the way to the bathroom.

Then your Eggo waffle comes out of the toaster burnt at breakfast.

I pray that you have a giant wedgie out in public, without much of a chance to dart away quickly to yank it out.

Then your buttcrack develops a nasty rash and you have to explain it to a doctor.

I hope that when you’re taking a bite of your taco, it crumbles and stains your brand new T-shirt.

Then the stain won’t come out no matter how many times you try to scrub it.

I wish upon you the unpleasant experience of having a random bird taking a shit on your head.

Then you have bird doo in your hair. Ew.

I pray that you start to hiccup every 5 seconds and no matter what you try, they won’t go away.

Then you hold your breath just a little too long, get dizzy and fall on your derriere.

I hope that the server at a restaurant takes away your meal before you’re finished with it.

Then you’ll still be hungry and have to go to Burger King.

I pray that your nail cuts the sensitive part inside of your nose when you’re trying to remove one of those boogers that vibrate.

Then everyone sees you and thinks that you’re a nose picker. Ew.

I wish upon you the same feelings that I experienced after you done me dirty.

Then you’ll realize that perhaps being a total garbage person isn’t a great way to live your life, after all.


  1. Awesome list. I hope they are wearing light colored pants and sit in something brown. Ideally it would be something else’s shit because the smell would follow them around until they found a change of clothes. Moreover, I hope every store was out of their size and people would give them pity looks as they tried to explain that they didn’t poop their pants.

    Hope this was a worthy addition.

    Loveya Mer.

    Liked by 1 person

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