The Sad Webby Things

Despite achieving remission status from my clinical depression, I am still who I am.

I can still see the sad, webby things in an abandoned children’s toy outside on the curb or how a room filled with people instead appears to be peppered with the emptiness of a deceased, cherished loved one.

Why does this photo make me so sad?

Like I’ve previously written, you don’t spend close to a quarter of a century a certain way and then expect that there won’t be residual ickiness left over.

You don’t live for so long with the ability to see beyond the exterior of life, into the dark abyss, without dragging along some of it with you.

I am better than I was before TMS…but I am still who I am.

7 comments

  1. I try to make this VERY point to my therapist. I’ve had my depression for 50+ years. It waxes and wanes, but it has been a part of me for so long that I have to admit it IS me to a large extent. Even when it goes into remission, it is and will always be a part of me.

    My therapist doesn’t see it this way or doesn’t want me to see it this way. Seems pretty obvious to me.

    I’m glad your affliction is in remission. I hope it lasts a long time!

    Like

    • Thank you for commenting! I’m thankful that there’s someone else out there who understands that depression and other mental illnesses indeed make an impact on who we are, remission or not.
      At this point, I’m just happy that I’m not suicidal and can snap myself out of a depressive episode faster than I could before.

      Like

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