Halfway Through!!

It’s so fucking strange going through an entire day without everything being saturated in melancholia.

I mean, not like I’m complaining.

But I’ve been severely depressed for such a long time that it’s become a part of my identity, my modus operandi, if you will. It’s like I’ve had a gigantic, bummed albatross partially removed from my shoulders. I keep wondering if this odd feeling is real or just a hoax, like tomorrow I’ll wake up and feel like throwing myself off of a cliff again and want to curl up into a little ball of worthless shit.

The people that I spend most of my time with are also noticing a difference in me.

Yesterday was my halfway mark, 18 TMS treatments down, 18 more to go. The fact that I’m already experiencing a positive change is miraculous.

I’m still me. Like, my personality is the same. I go through the normal course of human emotions. I’m not even numb.

I’ve even noticed a decline in my OCD symptoms. My anxiety seems to be more manageable. The world seems brighter. I’m beginning to have more motivation and a desire to do things, both needful and just for funsies.

Is this fucking real or am I in an episode of The Twilight Zone?

Did I really stumble upon a depression treatment that actually makes remission a possibility?

Stay tuned!

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