Totally Anxious In Ohio

As I suspected, I’m totally a candidate for TMS therapy. I meet all the criteria. Now it’s up to my insurance company to approve it. The psych doctor that I spoke to on the phone this morning said that they’ll let me know as soon as they know. Until then, if I have any questions, give them a ring-ding.

As I suspected, I’m totally anxious.

Oh fuck!

It’s okay to swear…it lets the anxiety out.

I’m not afraid of the therapy. I’m worried that it won’t be covered and then I’m back to the realization that I’ll never see much of an improvement in my ability to be a fully ALIVE person.

How does that feel? I’ve forgotten.

I told the doc this morning that I often feel like I’m just going through the motions. To feel real joy again would be a damn miracle. This TMS therapy idea has given me (besides a bad case of the nerves) some fucking hope.

I’ve started a new hobby of sorts. Watching classic movies. Here’s a small list of what I’ve seen so far.

Kramer Vs Kramer: I could never leave my kid behind. I’m glad that the little boy ended up staying with the father.

Cabaret: Nazi’s, bisexuality, dancing and singing!

Dog Day Afternoon: This one took a weird turn!

The Deer Hunter: Total bummer. Damn it, Nick. Russian Roulette is not a nice game.

My favorite of these four films is surprisingly Cabaret, which I was sure that I’d dislike.

Do you have any recommendations?


  1. Any of the old Hitchcocks are good with me. I hope your insurance company approves it–as a Canadian I always find it weird that you have to rely on an insurance company’s good will to get the treatments you need!

    Liked by 1 person

    • My mom was a big Hitchcock fan. I’ve watched at least half of them at least once.
      I know, it’s stupid, isn’t it? If I could move to Canada, I would!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Any Carey Grant movie! Or Claudette Colbert.

    Bringing up Baby
    Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream
    The Philadelphia Story
    Any of the Thin Man movies
    The Sting
    Butch Cassidy and the
    Sundance Kid
    Whatever Happened to Baby
    North by Northwest
    Cat on a Hot Tin Roof
    Citizen Kane
    Rebel Without A Cause
    East of Eden
    The King and I

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I hope everything works out good regarding the insurance and treatments.
    I like old movies too, much better than the newer ones.
    Anything with Doris Day is good.
    One with Cary Grant and Leslie Caron called “Father Goose” is a favorite, too. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m afraid my list of “classic” films would lean more towards sci-fi and extreme violence. Like Star Wars and Aliens. I’m not sure they’re “classic” if they’re in colour 🙂


    • I hate to break it to ya but movies from the 80’s are indeed classics now. Bunch of bullshit if you ask me…


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