My ex-husband systematically locked me into a cage so that he could do as he wanted without guilt or remorse. He even admitted this during one of our last conversations. He felt entitled to cheat, mistreat, gaslight, manipulate and act with extreme cruelty because he had a sick wife.
That revelation made bile rise up in my throat. I remember being angry. It was at that moment when I first realized that he was absolutely incapable of love.
You don’t abandon your wife in the ER after a suicide attempt so that you can go screw your bimbo unless you have a heart made of stone.
When I start to feel the sorrow of it all so strongly that I want to curl up into a little ball and disappear, I remind myself that he’s the one with the deficit. Imagine not understanding the concept of love. Even with all of my mistakes, my shortcomings and faults, I am full of love.
Oh God, please give me the strength to finally let him go. Please ease my anger when I’m reminded that I gave such a person so many years of my life. Make me whole again. Fill me up with gratitude that I was given the chance to start my life over and continue on without him, so that I can finally be free.