I’ve been trying to be kinder to myself lately. It’s not an easy thing to do because I often feel like a waste of space but at least I am making an attempt.
I talk to my therapist in a few hours and I’m afraid that what I have to tell her might make her decide to lock me back up in the psych ward, almost 6 years later. I was so depressed last week that I spent time researching the most foolproof way of giving up. It becomes a bit of an obsession and although I’m not exactly planning it or anything, it makes me feel better to have a backup plan just in case.
Yes, it’s time for a new medication. I wish that I hadn’t wasted time giving Abilify a chance.
I’m feeling a bit less icky now that the triggers have past. Mother’s Day. May 20th. Yet I’m still not doing so well. I notice that I struggle talking with other people, trying to hide it (my depression). I try to hide it because NOBODY REALLY UNDERSTANDS.
Well, even if they did, there’s not all that much to be said or done.
I am so exhausted from dealing with this nonsense.