Nonsense

I’ve been trying to be kinder to myself lately. It’s not an easy thing to do because I often feel like a waste of space but at least I am making an attempt.

I talk to my therapist in a few hours and I’m afraid that what I have to tell her might make her decide to lock me back up in the psych ward, almost 6 years later. I was so depressed last week that I spent time researching the most foolproof way of giving up. It becomes a bit of an obsession and although I’m not exactly planning it or anything, it makes me feel better to have a backup plan just in case.

Yes, it’s time for a new medication. I wish that I hadn’t wasted time giving Abilify a chance.

I’m feeling a bit less icky now that the triggers have past. Mother’s Day. May 20th. Yet I’m still not doing so well. I notice that I struggle talking with other people, trying to hide it (my depression). I try to hide it because NOBODY REALLY UNDERSTANDS.

Well, even if they did, there’s not all that much to be said or done.

I am so exhausted from dealing with this nonsense.

4 comments

  1. Nobody understands, but we care. And in our way, we kinda understand. I’ve been in a place that’s pretty similar, so if nothing else I know that it can get real fucking dark up in here. But you’re still able to talk about it, and make some jokes about it, and I know you well enough to know that as long as you can keep talking about it you’ll get help and you’ll be alright. Besides, I would miss you like crazy if something happened. I love you honey. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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