Okay, here we go again.
I’ve noticed that my intrusive, icky thoughts have slowly been increasing the last couple of weeks. Since my shrink retired, I just emailed my primary doctor this morning to ask his advice on how to stop taking it safely. I no longer give meds “more time” or continue taking them anymore when I start having flashes of “doom, doom, doom” which is the only way that I can describe the actual feeling. It lacks any substance, it’s just emotions that scare the living shit out of me.
I’ve also had a harder time wanting to see people, I get annoyed with everyone. I want to be alone. Yet, I don’t want to be alone. It’s so fucked up and difficult to put into words.
I miss my mom like crazy and I know that next month is going to be a struggle. I think that I’d rather just stay on the Effexor for the time being, I started that stuff way back in 2015 and I’ve survived so much bullshit whilst on it.
I haven’t said anything but lately my fibro has been getting the best of me. It makes me so sad recently that I’ve cried. I think within the last year, being in quarantine and staying mostly holed up in my house has made things regress. Since I absolutely despise fibromyalgia, I rarely write about it anymore. I try to pretend that it doesn’t control my life but it’s been truly frustrating to realize that I have more pain, more fatigue and my stamina has lowered considerably.
My IBS has also made a major comeback in the form of diarrhea instead of constipation. With the diabetes, IBS and gout, I can only eat like 6 things now.
Okay, okay. I am being dramatic. But the blander the food, the less processed and full of sugary goodness, the better.
Let’s see…something funny. Let me scour my brain for a minute.
My grandcat likes to drink out of the dog’s water bowl.
Stay safe, you guys. Thanks for reading.