Abilify Is A Fail

Okay, here we go again.

Geez ass.

I’ve noticed that my intrusive, icky thoughts have slowly been increasing the last couple of weeks. Since my shrink retired, I just emailed my primary doctor this morning to ask his advice on how to stop taking it safely. I no longer give meds “more time” or continue taking them anymore when I start having flashes of “doom, doom, doom” which is the only way that I can describe the actual feeling. It lacks any substance, it’s just emotions that scare the living shit out of me.

I’ve also had a harder time wanting to see people, I get annoyed with everyone. I want to be alone. Yet, I don’t want to be alone. It’s so fucked up and difficult to put into words.

I miss my mom like crazy and I know that next month is going to be a struggle. I think that I’d rather just stay on the Effexor for the time being, I started that stuff way back in 2015 and I’ve survived so much bullshit whilst on it.

Hi! We’ve been keeping Merry mostly sane during the last few years!

I haven’t said anything but lately my fibro has been getting the best of me. It makes me so sad recently that I’ve cried. I think within the last year, being in quarantine and staying mostly holed up in my house has made things regress. Since I absolutely despise fibromyalgia, I rarely write about it anymore. I try to pretend that it doesn’t control my life but it’s been truly frustrating to realize that I have more pain, more fatigue and my stamina has lowered considerably.

My IBS has also made a major comeback in the form of diarrhea instead of constipation. With the diabetes, IBS and gout, I can only eat like 6 things now.

Okay, okay. I am being dramatic. But the blander the food, the less processed and full of sugary goodness, the better.

Let’s see…something funny. Let me scour my brain for a minute.

My grandcat likes to drink out of the dog’s water bowl.

Stay safe, you guys. Thanks for reading.

4 comments

  1. Damn. I was hoping for better from the new meds. This past year has sucked more ways than one. Even I am getting tired of the virus and it’s hold over us. It’s like the more I sequester myself the less I want to talk to people or go out for any reason. I’ve been having panic(?) or anxiety(?) attacks. I’m not sure which is what. I just know I dread going anywhere. I’m sending light and love to you, my friend. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think it’s difficult for many people right now…I know that it is for me, anxious about being around humans again! Although I still wear my mask and sanitize like an insane lady!
      I was also hopeful. But the pros were no longer better than the cons. I’ll figure out what to do when I see my new shrink in July. Love you too. ❤ I'm around if you want to chat.

      Like

  2. Our cats and dog all share common water, mostly, and the cats like to eat the dog kibble for some reason. I think they’re all weird, especially the small cat that likes to stick his head in the toilet after you flush it. He’s just odd.

    You write about whatever you want to and we’ll be here to listen. I am sorry to hear that you’re struggling right now, and I wish there was something concrete I could do to help. Just know that I’m thinking about you and wishing life was a little kinder to you. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • You help by being my friend even though we’ve never met in person. Almost 9 years blogging, I really love you and a few other people. You guys are my online family. Keep sharing those great posts on Facebook, girl. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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