Letting Go of the Fantasy

I recently had a conversation with my young neighbor (she just turned 31, I believe) about how people don’t understand the grieving process when it comes to relationships, married or otherwise.

I continue to grieve the marriage but not so much the man anymore.

I still grieve the belief that I had found my soulmate and lifelong partner in crime.

I’m still grieving the loss of who I thought he was, deep down anyway. That basically, he was a good man with many annoying flaws. The fact that he was not, in actuality, a good man still fucks with my heart and head.

My young neighbor is still grieving her relationship 6 years on. One morning he woke up and told her that he was no longer in love with her and to please move out of his house. She had no other option but to move back home with her parents. A month later, he had another woman living with him, parking her car in the same spot that she had only used a short time before.

The relationship failed but that knowledge did little to make her feel any better.

I hate that she experienced such callousness. We both admitted that we have trust issues now and that what we collectively went through has sullied our ability to forever love another person as deeply as before. Neither one of us will ever lose ourselves in a relationship ever again. We do not want to be devastated by another man and the ability to be “head over heels” has been lost to us.

My own ability to love someone has been diluted for fear of having my heart shredded into a bloody pulp.

If all of this grief just needs some acceptance on our parts and by magic we find our closure, then I’m all for it.

A work in progress though. Just like most things in life.

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