the wrong man

I have two married friends who worry that after almost 4 years I haven’t “moved on” from my ex-husband.

How do I explain that I don’t believe I’ll ever fully be over it? A shattered heart will always be somewhat shattered, it only becomes stronger given time, empathy and understanding.

He doesn’t think about you at all, Mer. He’s remarried. You mean jack shit to him now, if you ever meant a damn thing to him for 15 years anyway.

It’s true. I acknowledge it. I accept it.

You still love him.

No, I do not. I do not pine for him.

After re-framing our relationship, I see now that he was the wrong man for me from the start. That’s for a future post, though.

I feel like I need to defend myself for something that’s a work in progress. I understand that they just want me to finally be free and happy. It just gets tiresome. Usually, I just stare at them funny and shrug.

What the fuck, you guys?

I make jokes, my favorite way to deflect attention away from my annoyance with them.

Do I wave a magic wand over my heart? Drink a special elixir? Stand on my head as I repeat over and over that he’s dead to me?

What will sufficiently please them?

You don’t just grieve over the death of a loved one. There are so many other ways to grieve. I wish strongly that more people could understand this fact. I’m more messed up over losing my mom almost two years ago. That is where the majority of my inner pain stems from.

I honestly don’t believe that anything I say or do will convince them that I am doing the best that I can. I need to firmly keep my mouth shut and not share any more of my emotions when it pertains to my failed marriage.

That’s fine with me, I can do that. Hence my need for this new blog that nobody I know in real life reads unless I want them to.


  1. I’ve been divorced from my first husband for over 25 years now. I still grieve that marriage. NOT because I love him, that died way before the divorce. I grieve what could have been……..what should have been. Not the man. The marriage. Other people can’t tell you how long it should take to get over a divorce. You may never get over the divorce….doesn’t mean you love the man. If they can’t understand that then they just need to shut up about it. It’s YOUR life, YOUR emotions, YOUR anger, YOUR disappointment. Not theirs. Don’t worry what others think Mer, friend or not. You be you. ❤

    Liked by 3 people

    • Yes, all true. Thank you for understanding what I’m trying to get at here. ❤ I hope that they never have to go through what I did in their own marriages. Perhaps that's the only way that they'd see why it still makes me sad and pissed off. I'm not going to allow them to rake me over the coals anymore about this, it has nothing to do with them.

      Liked by 1 person

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