Yes, I’m still alive!
I used to be so consistent with my writing. Almost 9 years ago I discovered blogging and WordPress. And boy, it sure did help get me through some shit. My life is much calmer nowadays and despite the crazy stuff going on in the world (political stuff, Covid, people storming the US capital) I’d have to say that personally, I’m much better mentally, emotionally, spiritually and even a tad bit physically than I was when I was still married to the biggest prick in northeast Ohio.
Oops, a run-on sentence. What can I say, I’m a bit rusty.
Anyway, I’ve thought many times that I should write something and visit some blogs. It seems that each time I was ready to do so, my attention would go in another direction. I have plenty of time on my hands but honestly not as much as I used to.
You could almost say that I have a life now. Or else it feels like I do.
I’ve spent the close to a year now (holy shitballs) since the pandemic began with mostly 3 people…my kid, my boyfriend and my best friend from back in high school, who moved home last year right before all hell broke loose. I don’t go out much, especially in the winter, because I hate the cold, snowy, gray days. Plus, it aggravates my fibro. My symptoms are always worse between the months of December-April.
I have my pets to care for, which sucks up a bunch of my time. My house is bigger than the condo was and it takes more out of me to keep things tidy and clean. I have OCD and one of my issues is that I HATE DIRT AND CLUTTER.
I am also a crafty chick. I love decoupage! Who woulda thought that would happen?
I don’t need to explain why I’ve been absent, though. Like I told my therapist, I’ll write when I feel like it. So today, I feel like it.
Really though, I’m trying hard to be the responsible adult that my mom always wanted me to be.
I pay my bills on time. I can make phone calls without a major anxiety attack, although I still feel a bit nervous. I’m also a list writer now, so I don’t forget shit that I need to do. I recently took a cognitive test that my boyfriend found and I’m lower on the totem pole than that of my peers.
It’s a symptom of that dastardly fibromyalgia!!
My depression seems to be under control finally. Never fully gone. But much better. It’s really so wonderful not to daydream about killing yourself. My mind is more preoccupied with what craft project I’m going to do next.
I’m also still healing from what happened with my ex-husband. I am inching my way towards some sort of peace with it all. In hindsight, I’m actually so grateful that he’s no longer a part of my or my daughter’s world.
He was as toxic as cigarettes and Draino combined.
My boyfriend and I are mostly okie dokie. We’re so different, yet somehow it works out well enough. We’re heading on 3 years together in June, which blows my mind. Does time go faster as you age, or is it just me?
The worst thing that hovers over me every second of my life is the gigantic hole that aches constantly for my mommy. I miss her so much that sometimes it’s hard to breathe. I imagine that this will last until the day that I die myself.
I hope you guys are holding up alright. I’ve been mostly keeping to myself, which is something that I’m really great at.
Until next time, take care and stay safe.